During our meeting today the door was locked and kept making noises. It seemed someone was trying to get in, we checked, and no one was there. It made noises systematically, and the topic of our conversation turned to it several times.
I don’t know how it is to die. Neither I can tell what comes after, no one has ever returned. Still, what unites us, no matter how different we are, is the fact that some day we will come to this door, and thus we can surely tell the door is there and waiting for us to reach it. Because otherwise how can we explain the fact then when each of us comes, it’s already there, ready to take us in?
I am talking about the final door. You can call it anything else or make up any other picture in your mind, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know how it is but I realize that this feeling of crossing the threshold is already in the set of feelings in my head. How come that I’ve never been there and can imagine the feeling?
This I can explain in two ways. One – to die means to live as we do not know otherwise, and fear of death always is shown in the fear of living. To this topic I may devote a separate post some other time.
Another one – the fact that we can imagine anything and still won’t know how true it is unless we experience something. This is one of those experiments we never learn the results of. At least I’ve never heard of anyone who did… thus no reason to believe someone ever will, I have no time.
But then, having the door there already means it is there for a reason.
Do you know what makes plans great? They help you keep the vision, and the set deadlines incite you to act with no further procrastination even in case you feel like. Screwing up deadlines feels crappy no matter what you think about this in general.
That door is the main deadline, and literal one.
How many things need to be done by the time we reach it?
No one knows.
Thus a thing like fears was invented by the awesome and creative human mind. We have special kinds of fears. They differ from the ones animals have. They never doubt and never choose. Trusting their fears, they survive and multiply.
We’ve grown to distrust everything, including our own instincts, fears being among them, and had them mutate into something that keeps overshadowing our vision… our feelings, our desires, and in the end – our destiny.
It doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not – you still have some sort of a destiny for your own self, you could not be made by chance exactly the way you are. Of course this is my personal opinion but somehow this way everything starts fitting together wonderfully.
So what happens when fears take over? We set priorities according to them, we make check-points within the grand lifeplan that leads to the final door, and we act according to them. We doubt what is right very often. We fail to speak clearly in fear of misunderstanding, darn it, we often forget about things we want to speak about! We forget about people, about our wishes as other priorities keep piling up. It is us who pile them up, subconsciously, trying to hide from the fact the door is already there. How else can you explain that almost any action we can reduce to love or fear? Even the basic instincts are based on these two notions. They’re complimentary though. We have both, and where one rules, the other cannot.
Hence the waste of time.
When was the last time you did something you love?
How often do you do it? How much enjoyment do you get out of it? Are you being honest about it, meaning if it is the most you could get without compromising with yourself?
I can name a few ways compromising consists of that I know of, self-deception and procrastination that can last forever are among them. Amount of words exceeding the amount of deeds is also there.
Each of these can be brought down to smaller components. Words voiced and not turned into deeds are like smoking, they lead you to the door faster as then to do something you’ll still need the time, and you’ve already spent it for talking. Sometimes words are the only way to operate though – and these are only the times when you do it consciously.
Procrastination is well-seen in the opposite – when you want to go to the toilet, you’re the most determined person in the world. All you do with another degree of urgency in your life is procrastination in one way or another.
Self-deception needs not being discussed in detail. Alcohol and drugs are the brightest examples as ways to relax and get things done better. Nothing could be further from truth as the price we pay for it is more than we gain. It brings us to the door faster and gives us an illusion that we can relax and when we don’t have the dope, we see that in fact it is was harder to just relax and do things to the most of our abilities and capabilities.
Or you have other thoughts about it? Come on, be honest about it. It’s always been easier to take a pill that deal with an issue, rooting out the unnecessary instead of covering up the consequences and hoping no one will notice, and that we ourselves won’t notice in the first place.
The funny thing is – it has no meaning to that door over there. It’s still waiting and will be till we get there.
How is it possible to use it for our own good, as I wholeheartedly believe it is there for our good?
It reminds us about the things that really matter. About our values . About our talents and aspirations. About those who are really dear to us.
And about joy – what we were born for. I refuse to believe we were cut out for suffering, distrust, horror and self-destruction. No other part of nature does that, who made us believe this is our destiny?
And the best things we get to do are the ones we do with joy. Only this way we share happiness, we bloom and multiply for things that are worth.
The only choice we have is – how to get to this joy.
This is the only thing that makes a difference to how soon we reach the door and if we will regret our past when we reach it. And every now becomes past with every new second coming. And every new second coming can be the last one.
I don’t know how much I need to live and how many things to do to understand this clearly. I know as soon as I embrace it fully with my heart and soul the door won’t matter. It will just be there like all the other things in my life, and I’ll simply know what it is there for, just like all the rest I have, including my own self.
Getting free from worrying, incredible amounts of energy will also get free – this is simply how things go.
And when you realize there is nothing to fear, you’ll immediately see what you need to do, and will be able to do it immediately – and well. Heavens help to have enough time to perfect the action so that it brings the most joy there is possible.
Because this you’ve definitely already heard of – the joy is not in the reaching the destination point, but in the travelling itself. This saying could not come from anywhere else but the final door.